tonight i was *trying* to get the girls to go to sleep. they kept goofing around and getting out of bed with a million and one excuses. this is their new thing.
i think they like torturing me.
last night i couldn't get my little one asleep until after 1000 pm.
so today, i didn't push her taking a nap. hoping it would make bedtime easier. i was wrong.
once again it took 1 1/2 hrs to FINALLY get them to sleep. but not without getting my heart ripped out and stomped on the floor.
this last time i was in their room i was talking to them about why they needed to go to sleep...so they won't be cranky, so abby will have a great 1st day of school...so we can all have a really good day tomorrow. and then abby says: "well you're gonna have a good day because i won't be here"
talk about cutting deep to my heart.
after i swallowed back my tears, i asked her why on earth she would say something like that. she knew she hit a nerve. she got all shy and covered her face. i told her i honestly wouldn't be upset with her answer, i just really wanted to know why she thought that. she wouldn't give me an answer.
so then i told her how much i miss her when she's gone and how i can't wait to see her when i pick her up and hear about her day. i honestly don't know where or how i have screwed up as a mother that my daughter thinks i would be happy to have her leave. i know as parents we all get burnt out, and that is especially true as a SAHM in the role as a full time single parent most of the time. but i don't think she would say it if she didn't feel it. even if i don't agree with it, its her reality.
and that hurts. deeper than i ever imagined a 6 year old could hurt you.
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2 comments:
SWEETIE ... my heart SO goes out to you!
Jim has been gone a year now ... will be gone another 3 mos before this is all over. I can't TELL you how they've both hurt my feelings so much over this past year! When you're mommy AND Daddy, your feelings are so raw and exposed because you're just emotionally EXHAUSTED ... and the kids sense that and FEED on it! Just the other day Brianne told me that she doesn't love me. Talk about shot through the heart! But they don't mean it. They really REALLY don't. They know EXACTLY what to say to push your buttons.
Please don't doubt how valuable and VALUED you are! You are doing a job right now that is priceless. At the end of the day, when your girls are grown and gone, you will never wish that you had spent LESS time at home with them. Just let it roll off your back! You're one of the best moms I've EVER met. They'll appreciate you one day! Just don't let it get ya down. **hugs** xoxoxo
SWEETIE ... my heart SO goes out to you!
Jim has been gone a year now ... will be gone another 3 mos before this is all over. I can't TELL you how they've both hurt my feelings so much over this past year! When you're mommy AND Daddy, your feelings are so raw and exposed because you're just emotionally EXHAUSTED ... and the kids sense that and FEED on it! Just the other day Brianne told me that she doesn't love me. Talk about shot through the heart! But they don't mean it. They really REALLY don't. They know EXACTLY what to say to push your buttons.
Please don't doubt how valuable and VALUED you are! You are doing a job right now that is priceless. At the end of the day, when your girls are grown and gone, you will never wish that you had spent LESS time at home with them. Just let it roll off your back! You're one of the best moms I've EVER met. They'll appreciate you one day! Just don't let it get ya down. **hugs** xoxoxo
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